this mood was created in one instant. and here I am extending it by dwelling on silly things. But maybe they arent so silly and theyre just what I feel when I dont care whose feelings I hurt.
Ever realise the relationship you thought you had with someone isnt what you thought it was at all. That what you thought someone was willing to do for you was actually too much for them to bother with. Ever thought you had a friend and realised that that person only thought of you as an acquaintance. That you were willing to go out on a limb for that person and they werent even willing to climb the frigging tree for you.
But isnt that life? Making bad decisions and learning from them? Except I never seem to learn and I make the same mistakes over and over again. So in essence Im botching up the whole you live you learn process and just living.
Or maybe Im making a mountain out of a molehill and I need not be bothered with what I feel or what thoughts I conceive when im in these little bitchy ade moods.
my tolerance level is fast approaching zero and someone is going to get it. I mean it! (the masses are cowering in fear I can tell!)
dont you hate it when life is mostly out of your control? Its all well and good to concentrate on the things you can change but it seems to me that the really important things in life I have no control over. It's frustrating, this need for independence and the knowledge that its out of your reach. Well almost. I could call up my Sugar Daddy or my God Father and tell them to Western Union me some money so I can have my own place and my own life.....only problem is...I dont have any of those. (all interested patrons please email me for applications:P) So Im stuck with my parents........... *ade rolls her eyes* *sigh*
I'll get over it...its just been one of those days.
Im not sleepy right now and Im addicted to this nonsense talking. Who would have thought that after so many months Im still blogging strong. I had to think about what draws me here every frickin day!
Heres what i came up with 1. I totally enjoy talking about myself:) Guilt free vanity and self centredness (is that a word???!!) 2. I obviously dont get enough attention at home:P 3. I dont mind talking to myself cause I never know who's reading. 4. I dont mind making an idiot of myself. 5. I dont care too much what people think or I wouldnt be putting myself "out there" all the time. Im just like a sitting duck open for ridicule. 6. I think at some point I will look back on it and the things that I found so difficult at one point will be simple. Its testement that as we grow older we become wiser. Life is all about living and learning. 7. I believe that the things I feel are in no way unique and there are some people that can understand where Im coming from. Even the little bit I feedback i get helps me to know Im not the only psycho out there. Just Growing Pains
Oh and in unrelated news...Christina got voted off American Idol. Also my biological clock is ticking. I no longer want a mini me I want a mini Marcus:)ive decided I want a baby boy!
My muscles ache.....oooouch!! Im hobbling around like an old person.
Well anyways...Ive been thinking about life and I realised that if love was all we needed then Id be in a beautiful place right now. but unfortunately it seems like love isnt even a major part of the equation. You can love someone with all your heart and being and not be with them for a multitude of reasons. Maybe the people that have everything else but love have the better arrangement. maybe "love is for suckers" and those who dont have it dont have to worry about messy emotions and the pain and unpredictability that go along with those intense feelings. I mean when you love deeply you hate just as strongly and the pain is just as vivid when the one you love hurts you. Or maybe in my "youth" I think I know what love is and I really dont even have a clue. or maybe love is a personal concept and its different for everyone in the world and if i feel that i love and im in love then i am:)
anyways enough brain cells used up on something i have no control over. Lord knows you dont choose the ones you love
Aftermath Im intact. No major bruises or aches and pains. maybe that means that I didnt have enough fun:) I really had a great time though. its like the Master card ad Power x 4 costume $253 Baje fete $15 Ship Inn $20 Party Monarh finals $25 Looking good in my costume, getting into almost everything free and spending this wonderful festival with my friends....PRICELESS:)
hats off to those who dont drink. Its great that your being strong and not giving into peer pressure etc etc etc. HOWEVER.....i think alcohol is great! It soooo enhanced my day! Everything was all that much better. (does this mean I have a problem??:)
But when does "tipsy" become "drunk"? I was able to walk straight lines all day so maybe I wasnt drunk (yes i had to test my coherency!) but i was definitely on my way there. Its just embarrassing to have people look at you when youre in that state though.
On a whole Rupee was wonderful, the pink slip was excellent company...(great kicks) the bodies were hot and my day was superlative. Maybe I will do it again next year. Trinidad carnival here I come!!
Rum/surge bibber signing out
Oh yeah I change my mind about the road march thing. It was rupee all the way!!!
Its amazing how much effect the past has on the present. Its impossible to separate one from the other, because who you are is just a collection of experiences and choices you made. And sometimes when things get bad in the present you cling to the past and memories of those times when things were better. Thats just life though....like Kenny Rogers sang (im getting all country on you now) You got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away And know when to run.
every situation is different and sometimes its worth hanging on to and other times its just good enough to let go and take it as a learning experience. What brought me to this?
Ive just about lost touch with the people I was closest to at JHU. I was trying to hold onto the last threads of contact but I realised that its ok to let go. Thats just life....
Of course talk is cheap. and i talk alot. anyways....i need to be getting to my bed.
Leve pour manger ca!! Today is the big day and since this will be my first time jumping Kadooment has taken on a whole new meaning! I didnt care whether it came or not before but since Ive paid my arm and a leg for the costume and Ive been dancing up a storm at the parties and Im over my body image problems...IM READY!!
Im calling Krosfyah as the Road march Winners...with Rupee as a close second and Hypa Dog as a third.
I think the Trini posse had a good time.
Tomorrow the Pink Slip and Hyper Kitty will be in full effect. Watch out for one brazen chicky (PS) and one dutiful sidekick (HK). It just wouldnt be the same without out her:P
Maybe I'll post a costume pic. I dont look so bad in it at all:)
Oh yeah..I actually wore short pants to a fete tonight. NIce to pose in bad to dance in...thats the consensus.