Karma I believe in it. It keeps me sane. Just when I think Im going to explode with anger at someone and seek the nastiest revenge possible I get the calmest feeling knowing that one day their day will come... or maybe this is karma biting me in the ass.
Betrayal Recently Ive had people say nasty things about me or do nasty things to me. Thats expected. People suck! BUT when its from someone or people that just aren't supposed to get kix doing that sh*t to me I just dont know how to take it. Its like...How could you? I can't lie. It hurts.
But Im a fighter. I got past the last set of mess. Its just a shame that people are all the same. You just never know. I just regret wasting my time and emotions...all 6 years of my gawddamn life.
Baxters Road at 2 in the am First off let me say that liver cutters from Pink Star are very yummy... and one must never forget the red Ju-C. That place was soo lively. And let's not talk about the Police parked out infront the strip club. Quite an interesting experience.
Once again Im responsible for causing someone pain. I guess it's inevitable but sometimes I have to wonder if I cause more distress than the average person. Knowing that youve hurt someone feels almost as bad as getting hurt yourself. But I can't say sorry if I've done nothing wrong now can i?
Like Sugar Cane I was speaking to the former crush tonight. Its amazing how the feelings I had for him just disappeared as soon as he told me he had a gf. he's a really cool guy though...
he was going on about how sweet he thinks I am. Me... sweet....? Maybe if enough people tell me this I'm going to believe it one day.
Truth served cold at midnight Home alone on a Friday night. Im in hyperactivity mode again. I just got in from a night with the B Girls. Cool girlie QT and Im ready to go again. But the flam is MIA as usual:P I miss him:(
So the ticket it booked and the ETD is Tuesday night. :(
I feel so different leaving this time.
Ah well...gotta go! Got a cool invite out. No more home time for me. Gotta fit in all those Goodbyes :D
There are few things sexier than a man doing "his thing" expertly. This thing can be anything from playing ball to cutting open a dog. And what absolutely takes the cake is when he looks good doing it.
Im leaving early next week. Might be very early or not so early. Depends on how productive my day is today.
Ade Is... A People Hater SO Im in the club minding my own damned business, dancing with my buddy ol pal. He's very much in love with his girl and Ive known him since he was a skinny 10year old. i.e. i dont want him. This chick is gonna come up to me and tap me on my shoulder and tell me, "He's married" I wanted to hit her really hard. I dont know if im overly sensitive... but why the hell people can just see me and dont see me? I dont check for what anyone else is doing unless it directly affects me and i wish the same courtesy would be extended to me. grrr
Marcus' Ex So Im introduced to this guy as Ade... and he's like, Oh you're Marcus' Ex. ::rolls eyes::Isnt it good to know that Im not worthy of my own frigging identity.
ANYWAYS Xtreme was great tonight. Good balance of alone time, flam time, girlie time and "other" time.
Public Service Announcement I dont know when I'll be leaving this country. Its all out of my control. Keep you posted.
Negativity So Im going along minding my own business, writing my blogs for my own enjoyment/therapy (and for my fans haha)and up pops a dumbass comment. I know Im not supposed to draw attention to these things because it's obviously some attention deprived soul trying to get his little high. BUT it's food for thought. AND Ive been lacking in the "something to blog about" department.
Since Ive met (well remet) the flam Ive been exposed to human nature at its worst. Some people have the need to pull others down so they can feel good about themselves. Now I havent had this problem in such a long time. The ex wasnt in the lime light and neither was I. Out of sight out of mind kinda thing I guess. Now all of a sudden Bajans have something to say about me and to me. Im not upset about it. Its just something I find interesting. People that dont even know me trying to pass judgement... story of my life.
to the simpleton that commented on the previous entry: Maybe if you got a life then you wouldnt have to read about mine...its really not that interesting... that was your 15 minutes of fame. hope you enjoyed it. smile:D
So into him I want to marry Fabolous. I want him to dedicate the "Into You" song to me. Something about this guy just does things to me. Not like R. Kelly. Thats just physical. Fabolous is just... my whole package. So if you happen to see him... let him know Im his number one fan.
All's Well That Ends Well Today was rough. I cried today like I havent cried since... May. I think waterworks are necessary. You just feel better afterwards. And boy am I feeling better. Everything will sort itself out Im sure. I got the sweetest email tonight. I really appreciated it. More than you could know.
So the family is all together again. we even got the extended family up in here, peanut. All that missing is the pinkslip. I love my family. even when they get on my nerves. no one will love me like they do. I was thinking... the person that im closest to in the whole world is my mother. what the hell does that mean?
cant beat these blues i just cant shake this feeling of hopelessness and im not even at school yet. Im going to be a basketcase when i get back to trinidad. here i am going on and on about how its time to go back when i know exactly what will be waiting for me. last semester was such a dark time, im terrified of going back to the same thing. and if i dont get back on halls its going to be worse. all that time to myself. im going to perish.
maybe i should stop being the pessimist... preaching doom and gloom... but i know its going to suck. i can just feel it in my bones. im not ready for this.
Im slipping into a funk. I might be homeless. Seems like I might not get back on halls. Maybe its a blessing in disguise. Its time for a change anyways. Its just so hard.... Maybe that's why changes seem to get forced on me. I'm so ready to take the easy road that I put off doing the harder yet better thing until I have absolutely no choice.
Gotta go back really soon. As soon as I get my cash I outta here. i have to start apartment hunting. Maybe I will get a decent place....
Im so not feeling the Xtreme thing tonight. Im sick of that place. Literally and figuratively. With all this rain falling... I wish I was somewhere else. Too bad Im alone in that thought.
I got a big box of chocolates today. A goodbye gift. I think it was a sweet gesture...even if there was an ulterior motive. But dont we all have ulterior motives?
hope i get to see my potcake. he makes things better and where the hell is Rory? yeah i always want you when im having issues:)